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Consumerism makes my feet hurt

Today, I was reminded of the value of a dollar. And how hard it is to earn a lot of dollars. I started working for the Corporation again for the first time in a year. Last year it was going door to door selling encyclopedias, 80 hours a week. Of course, working in retail in a chain store isn't half as bad as making cold calls. But it still makes your back feel like snapping in half and your feet swollen like marshmallows. Old Navy isn't a bad work environment. The workers are friendly, the managers are kind and not snooty (ahem, Abercrombie), and the customers are relatively low maintenance ( mostly middle class moms and babies). Still, nine hours of mindless folding and hanging and rehanging is enough to make you lose a piece of your soul, and not to mention your ability to think intelligent thoughts: ( I felt so...useless, even though I was doing my job perfectly well and helping Gap Inc. make great profits. I literally folded kids clothes, daddy clothes, baby clothes, mommy clothes and teenager clothes from the time I clocked in (3pm) till the time I clocked out (11pm). At one point, I got so sick of consumers that I wanted to scream: STOP SHOPPING, PEOPLE!!!! It really makes me think twice about blowing off $160 at UO. Consumerism is so gross. Ok, too pooped to rant further. Goodnight.

Is it just me...

... or do they kinda look alike? I couldnt get this off my mind since watching Public Enemy.

Bruno-:Why are we laughing?

I was kinda super anxious to see Bruno this weekend. Why? Because, as much as I hate to admit it, yes, I find pleasure in all those loaded stereotypes about blacks, gays, jew, hicks, blondes, Christians, Muslims, and above all, Austrians. (JK about the austrian part, I dont even know what their stereotypes are, maybe besides anything attributed to Aahhnold?) I saw Borat and don't remember much of it, except that it was pretty hillarious in an over-the-top, pushing all the buttons, sort of way. I was so shocked at how far this guy went just to get some laughs from an American audience. (I'm not sure how well his jokes translated across international borders). He risked getting sued, hurt, killed. I went into Bruno thinking it would be the same dose of Borat but maybe even better because it would be about a gay fashionista, and would therefore touch upon the ever so shallow world of fashion, fame, and glamour. At least, thats what most of the trailers made it seem like. I got what I wanted, and much much more. In fact, the movie was more centered around Bruno's gayness, and how flamboyently inappropriate one guy can get when given the attention and budget. It was Borat-pumped with leather, vynil, and dildos all playing to a mind numbing "german" techno soundtrack. And less tasteful, if thats possible. I laughed at all the "appropriately inappropriate" parts, because I felt thats what I'd paid for. Even if 80 percent of the scenes were way more sexually explicit than I could have imagined or would have found funny on a normal basis. I laughed at the racist moments because they played out the age old stereotypes that we all secretly, and sometimes not so secretly entertain in our minds. But it was interesting because even though Bruno steered clear of discriminate discrimnation, meaning he made sure to thoroughly bash every group that every audience belonged to, I noticed some people in the audience stopped laughing when something onscreen insulted them. (ie: when he uses real live mexicans as furniture for his new house) And then I realized that we weren't laughing at Bruno, but Bruno was laughing at and mocking us. Us, the masses of middle class America, for paying our hard earned money to watch this smart ass simply hand us our own ignorance on a silver platter. Sure, we laughed because you know, they weren't making fun of us personally. The parts about the hicks were especially funny because somehow we felt above them, seeing how ignorant and uncultured they seemed compared to us in edumacated California. Not just California, but the Bay Area, where we are cultured and open minded enough to accept gay people. We just, dont let them get married. (This was also in the movie). These jokes were not above anyone, but made a mockery of everyone in America. Ironically, all the "mockery" bits weren't Bruno antics, but real live responses/behaviors of real life Americans. Those weren't scripted. At the end of the movie, Wesley got up and said "This movie makes Americans look so stupid!" Yeah, it did. I couldnt help but think how ignorant we all were for paying $10 to laugh at ourselves. Bruno was number one in the box office this weekend. Sacha Baron Cohen is a genius, and this is American entertainment at its best.

Margot Tenenbaum as inspiration

I am inspired by her...her style, not the whole falling in love with your brother part.

Chanel Iman is F.I.E.R.C.E.

She is an amazing, fierce, gorgeous woman. And I can't believe I actually saw her often when she walked down the halls of Fairfax High, and people would always point out, "You see that super tall girl over there? I heard she's a model" And I'd be like, "Eh, how big of a model could she be? Maybe for Claire's at the local mall?" But look at her now, world. She made it big. And she's sooo pretty! Half Korean, half black, full on fab~ Oh Chanel, go on and take over the world.

Revelatory Revolutionary Road

This weekend I saw Revolutionary Road with Silvia because we were both pining for our boyfriends whom we haven't seen in over two weeks now, and for some reason we felt that watching a failed romance would get us into spirits again, or at least make us miss our boyfriends a little less. We also tried to watch Intolerable Cruelty by the Cohen Bros. so we'd have a little balance of moods, but unfortunately the disc didn't work.
Revolutionary Road received a 69% on Rotten Tomatoes. One critic said "It plays like Douglas Sirk without the irony". That's never a good thing to say about, anything. I had also heard mixed reviews from friends. I didn't go into it with any particular expectations. However, I am pleased to say I was pleasantly surprised by the film overall. The acting was stellar on both Kate and Leo's parts. Kate's role reminded me of her role in "Little Children": the suburban mom/ wife who was meant for more, stuck in her pretty little house and well mowed lawn. Watching Revolutionary Road was like watching my parents fight. Sometimes I sympathized with April while hating Frank, and other times I felt bad for Frank, while criticizing April of being too irrational and idealistic. But this is not a review of the film's aesthetics or the actors' performances. The film very blatantly showed us their message and so many people have already gone into that anyway. What I found interesting about the movie was what it made me think about.
This movie portrayed a very real fear of mine. A fear which is beginning to grow bigger as I get older. Although the story was supposed to portray the social issues of conformity, materialism, and the pursuit of self identity beyond the confines of marriage that permeated American life during the 50's, these things have been very close to my heart recently. All those issues are exactly my fears. Becoming a housewife after having to put my dreams on hiatus to have kids, watch them grow into healthy, happy human beings, please my husband, keep the house pretty, entertain neighbors, only to realize that I myself am only getting older and unhappier. Or even worse, that I am not doing anything important with my life. I'm not making the most of that Berkeley education, or that resume I spent all my energy building. I mean, I know this isn't the fifties and its much more common to see women creating successful careers and names for themselves even while juggling a family life. But then we see their family lives are not so stellar, and they get shunned for not having their priorities straight as a mother and wife. I look at my own mother and still see her constantly struggling to balance both on a fully loaded plate. This movie made me think about my future, and the road Im headed on. Am I going to end up on Revolutionary Road, endlessly bickering with a man I once loved so passionately and found so intriguing but now loathe? Will I find all my hopes and aspirations sucked away by the very life I pursue? The film also addressed another issue I've been mulling over in my head recently, should I go for a life of ensured comfort and stability or do I just keep on fighting for what I really want to do, despite the lack of any such guarantees? The movie made it pretty clear that one should follow their heart and never give up searching for that ultimate form of meaning in life.
But I am torn because I disagreed with the characters motives and their views of life and purpose. I saw April searching for meaning and a greater depth to her "mundane" suburban life. She felt that she was special and was always meant for more than what everyone else was doing. (As she kept reminding us through dramatic monologues throughout the film). She wanted to be an actor but failed because she wasn't good, at least thats what I got from what little the film revealed of her past. For some reason both she and Frank reached a point where they had to stop searching and live a "normal" American life. This is where I don't get it. Why did they stop searching for meaning just because they had the PRIVILEGE of buying an enormouse house and living among good people? Why did they have to give up "truth" in order to live the lifestyle they had? Was there really something wrong with the lifestyle, or was it just something wrong with them? What was to stop them from leading equally miserable lives in Paris, or anywhere else for that matter? I think the problem with the American Dream, is that people literally put their ALL into its pursuit. In fact, I wont even use the term "they" because I am guilty of this too. I go to college, hoping to graduate with a new perspective of the world and because I heard its the next logical step to getting the career that I want. I know I want a career and to establish a name for myself somehow, but I have to make sure I dont forget about getting married to the man of my dreams (but he also has to be on the fast track to the American Dream with me of course), buying a house, and having a family- all in that order. This is what Im headed towards. I dont see anything wrong with this, or else I would have stopped and turned 180 degrees away from it. This is what Frank and April did. Theres nothing wrong with it. I think where they went wrong was that this was all they lived for. This became their identity, it defined them. In the pursuit of these dreams, we have to make sure we don't neglect the other things that give our life meaning, like friends, family, community, our loved ones. These are the things that give me meaning and are always there to remind me of why I do what I do. Jobs are jobs, careers are careers. In the end, if I were to die today, without having achieved all these things in my life, I shouldn't feel like I missed out on anything because I had all these cherished relationships, friends who are like sisters, my family, and I those little everyday moments that make life so meaningful in itself. Self Identity is not made by yourself, but its a collective of experiences that you go through in life, with other people. If anyones seen the movie "UP", you'd understand that movie hilighted the missing elements in the story of Revolutionary Road. Carl and Ellie were similar to Frank and April, a young happy couple so in love with each other and both with extraordinary dreams. However, we find out that in the end it wasn't the big adventure that mattered, but the many little moments Carl and Ellie shared together, just appreciating and loving each other in all their normal and mundane patterns. I think this is what Frank and April was missing. Sure, they were friends with their neighbors. But it felt so artificial, and they werent really there for each other through the hard times. Their neighbors probably had no idea how miserable Frank and April really were under the exterior. So many people live life this way. We feel that its ok to put everything else on hiatus in order to get what we think we want, when in reality we'll miss out on everything important and amount to nothing in the end. They had everything most people could ask for. They got caught up in themselves, they were selfish and kept their eyes on some unattainable prize, which neither was sure even existed. They were so caught up in the rat race that they even forgot each other, and that beauty they once found in each other. In the end, no matter how hard we chase after our own sense of meaning and superior identity in life, its the little moments and relationships that we remember in the end. This movie reminded me so badly of how I'd neglected these aspects of what I once cherished, but it also helped me realize that my fears are unecessary.

What have you learned?

Last night my mom recounted to me about how time had flown so quickly and that after I come back from Korea, I would only have three more semesters until I graduated from college. CRAP.
It's not like I didn't know this. I knew this. It stands WAAAY back in the back of my head, behind the door entitled "After Graduation" or "Your Life as a responsible, self accountable Adult Starts Here". I had yet to venture back there. I mean, the last time I heard about those doors was, freshman year, where they seemed so far away and not worth worrying myself over. Now sophomore year of college at Berkeley is over, and I am halfway there (assuming I finish everything required of my double major within the traditionally alloted space). And then, my mom asked me the dreaded question,"what have you learned ?" Why is this a dreaded question? I dont know about everyone else in college, but I have always dreaded this question, which people, adults in particular, have always been asking me since the first day of...Preschool!
What did you learn in preschool today?
I learned colors, and how to wash my hands properly after using the potty!
What did you learn in Kindergarten?
I learned how to count to 100 and my failure to do that after my tenth try taught me that Iwill forever suck at math!
What did you learn in 6th grade?
I learned that I dont like science either cuz Bill Nye bores me to hell! But I love Harry Potter!
What did you learn in 12th grade?
I learned that I need to work hard from now on, I'm going to Berkeley.
Now people ask me what I've learned in my second year of college, and I've never been sure how to answer for some reason.What has two years, four semesters, however many days/months at one of the most prestigious universities in the country, taught me? It always takes me a while to think up some bull shit, heart rendering answer just to impress said questioning adult. But now that I think about it, I am not the same person I came here as. Not even close. What did I learn?

I've learned that most of what you learn in college is not from the classroom. Maybe it's just me. But I don't think I've retained too much of what I learned in any of my classes. I feel like Ive lived semester to semester, class to class, just trying to do well in that class at the moment, get the grade, and put it on my transcript. I mean, dont get me wrong, I appreciated and took interest in the class while taking it. But after you scramble to study for that last final, and then get it over with, who cares about that class?

I've learned how to procrastinate like never before. If I thought I procrastinated in high school, college is a whole nother level. Welcome to the major leagues little one.

I've learned to take my first bottle of absinthe, believe it or not ladies and gentlemen of the jury. I never really drank in high school. Or used any other substance. In college, I've tried everything illegal that I've always wanted to try but never had the guts, or access, to in high school. I know, Im not much of a thrill seeker.

I've learned that college isnt as tough and mighty as they make it out to be. For some reason, I've always had the image of big scary college owning me after high school drilled into my head by others. I was really scared. Especially coming from a high school that didnt really specialize on, oh I dont know, academia. I went to a visual arts magnet high school, we made sculptures in math class and collages in English! I literally thought I wouldn't make it past freshman year and would have to drop out. Now I know, getting and A or B plus at Berkeley is definitely doable. (Hopefully I dont jinx myself out of making it to senior year and graduating)

I've learned what its like to live life as a single child, with no parent supervision. Perhaps this has been the best part of coming to college. No, yes, it has. I love the freedom. This is the first time I was able to see what I'm really like, who I really am, without my siblings or parents or any other family members influencing me at the moment. Of course I still think about them in the long run, but when Im at Berkeley, I am just me in my stark nakedness. (Sorry for that imagery).

I've learned that I am highly malleable. I adapt very well and easily to my surroundings. First semester of freshman year was definitely hard, but I think thats about all it took to break me into this new life. Ever since, I have loved it here. I never thought I would completely fit into Berkeley. I thought I would be a better fit at UCLA because I had grown up in LA all my life, and as such I was an "LA girl". Now, I would be proud to call myself a, "Bay girl"? Lol...

I've learned that friends come and go. Not just because I've lost touch with a bunch of my high school friends, but also in college, you find yourself getting close to certain people one semester, and then you move onto different people the next semester. Whether it be because you physically moved to a different place, or because you moved on from that station in life, which also happens just as frequently as moving from place to place. People change quickly.

I've learned of heartbreak, and how badly it stings. And with that, some relationships can never be fully restored with a simple apology or even time's "healing hands".

I've learned to live a life away from my parents. This might sound similar to living life as a single child and independence or what not, but it's kind of different. This one means that I've learned to have things that I don't tell them. Big things. I could argue that this might have taken root starting my senior year of high school when I tried to hide my first serious bf from them and the other small secrets that ensued, but it really took on a whole new meaning in college. Its not simply a matter of keeping secrets and lying to them about small things, but I feel that it would be too late to go back and tell them about everything. And there are just some things that your parents could never know. Some things they dont need to know. Its not all bad.

I've learned to truly appreciate family. Its funny, being away from my family also made me really appreciate them more. I never fully saw all the hardships that my parents went through to support us when I lived with them. But when I came out of that bubble, I was able to see from their point of view, and feel a morsel of the suffering they go through on a daily basis just to hide it from us. I also feel for my little brothers, who are still stuck in that life and have years to go before they reach college where they themselves will be able to grow and see these things.

I've learned that I am a creature of change. I thirst for it. If I am too static in one place in life for too long, I will choke. I run out of air, and then lash out on my surroundings. I need to constantly be on the lookout for something different, whether it be a small change like a new hairdo, or a big change like leaving the country for a few months. This has proven to be problematic at times, and Im sure will continue to be problematic. (For instance,how will I ever have my own family if I constantly need change? But this is another matter for an entirely different post)

I'm sure I've probably learned more things but these are the main ones that stand out to me at the moment. I guess it took a little reflecting to answer that question. Plus, I still have two more years and a full semester abroad to learn more things! I'm glad Im not graduating early =)

Tear Jerker Weekend

This past weekend I held my own tear jerker sob fest at home. I watched five sad movies because I just wanted to cry. You know, one of those times.

Schindler's List
The Reader
Steel Magnolias
I Am Sam
Welcome to Dongmokgol (Korean movie)

Schindler's List was a very long, depressing, scary, well acted movie. It kept me on the edge of my seat for the latter 2/3rds of the movie. The beginning was a little slow, but then I guess you kinda have to set these types of "epic" movies up. It was very beautifully shot and I appreciated the clever cinematography/editing. I liked how it was dealing with a touchy, hard to stomach topic, but still had a kind of, humanistic quality to it. It wasn't too gross, and even if there were some moments where I wanted to stop looking at the screen, the movie didnt make that the main point of the attraction. I also think the black and white added to that effect. Liam Neeson was a champion actor,a very believable German yet also very believable as the Jew sympathizer he turned out to become. His presence commands your attention throughout all 195 mins of the film. Ralph Fiennes was also tremendous, except he scared the shit out of me the whole time. It was like watching a time bomb tick, not knowing when he would go off and kill another Jew for pleasure, boredom, or just cuz he can. It was a nice contrast to his role as, yet another German, in The Reader. I'm slowly starting to like him more and more. Didnt like him as Voldemort for some reason...might have to do with this one interview I read of him and how he felt about the role and his answer sounded very condescending of the movie/franchise. Something to the effect of, "This is just a side project, not very proud of it, not taking it too seriously." But dont quote me on that haha.

The Reader- I could see how this was very popular and won those awards/nominations. Its hard to go wrong with Kate Winslet. It made me cry at the end, and I felt bad for the characters. But honestly, I think that was it. I dont know, maybe it's because I had been jaded by all the sad movies I watched this weekend and by the time I watched this one my eyes were beyond puffy and stomach bloated from coffee Hagen Daz. It did make me want to read the book sometime. I'm sure the book was probably better.

Steel Magnolias- Im not even gonna review this one hahah. It was just a sweet little tear jerker. I needed a sweet, funny, yet sad story with Sally Field and Julia Roberts.

I Am Sam- Maybe my favorite movie of the night. Sean Penn was amazing throughout, delivered consistency. Although I couldnt help but keep thinking back to Robert Downey Jr's speech in Tropic Thunder about Sean Penn acting like a retard in this movie and then laughing silently amidst the tears. Young (not that she's old now)Dakota Fanning was SOOOO adorable and yet still so mature and talented. Those ginormous, piercing blue eyes just tore me apart! And this was the first time I really saw Michelle Pfeiffer acting to her fullest quality. She is right up there with Sean and Dakota. This is how America does tear jerker. T.T It also got me on this sudden Beatles binge.

Welcome to Dongmakgol was a classic Korean comedy, which automatically means it was a simultaneous tear jerker as well. We love our tears, and try to bring them out as often as possible. Set during the Korean War, its about this magical village called Dongmakgol, located somewhere between North and South korea. The village people were completely sheltered from the whole world and had no idea there was a war going on. Everyone is so pure and not corrupted, living their lives happily secluded. Then a few soldiers from the North and a couple soldiers from the South, and one white dude from the UN army gets stranded in this village. Its a heartwarming story about the two sides of the war and shows the perspectives of both north and south. It humanizes the war, kinda like Schindler's List. I cried throughout the last half of the movie!

Film Lists

I've created and destroyed so many lists of films I MUST SEE before I suffer further embarrassment in future conversations with fellow film majors and just film lovers in general. Of course, everyone has his or her own version of a "good film" and Im sure the list can go on forever if I were to take on every single movie someones claimed as "the movie that changed my life". However, there are some movies that EVERYONE seems to rave about. I've decided to post a new list on this blog so I can have a semi permanent version of it, which I can add to and cross off from respectively. I will add movies that I read about in my film history text books,that someone brings up in a class discussion, that I've always wanted to see but never seem to remember it at Blockbuster, or just random ones that I just FEEL like watching because I read/heard about it. Pretty much, anything goes on this list. The longer the better! (I will also include films I've recently watched but was on an initial list, that way I can have the instant, smug satisfaction of crossing off something from this list.)

Here goes:
All the Pretty Horses
Amelie
American History X
Babel
Being John Malkovich
The Big Lebowski
Blue Velvet
Crash
Clerks
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Death Proof
The Departed
The Elephant Man
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Garden State
Gladiator
The Godfather
Goodfellas
Good Will Hunting
Internal Affairs
Lars and the Real Girl
La Vie en Rose
Little Children
Lost in Translation
Man with a Movie Camera
Matchpoint
Milk
Mulholland Drive
Psycho
Pulp Fiction
Rachel Getting Married
Resevoir Dogs
The Royal Tenenbaums
Rushmore
sex,lies and videotape
Stranger than Fiction
Stranger than Paradise
Vanilla Sky
Vicky Christina Barcelona
What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
Wild at Heart

I think I will add categories by directors later...

Blair v. Leighton

Is it just me, or does Leighton Meester seem to fall short of Blair Waldorf's coolness, beauty, style, and overall upper east side sass? I don't know too much about Meester's real life qualities, but just judging by the way she looks in photo shoots compared to Blair on the Gossip Girl set, I can tell Leighton and Blair are not on equal footing. Blair seems so much bitchier and full of character. And, as ridiculous as this sounds, I think Blair is much prettier than Leighton. Maybe its just the way they style/do her makeup for the show. Or maybe Leighton just needs to get herself a better stylist. I've seen her interviews and she seems very...kind. Yes, kind is all good and nice and buttery, but I would take hanging out with Blair and risk getting backstabbed and used by her on Gossip Girl over Leighton any day.I guess thats just my inner gossip girl opting for an exciting, drama queen friend over just another bland, nice girl. Who wants that? Also,(another, "is it just me" question): does Leighton slightly resemble Aussie super model Nicole Trunfio from Make Me a Supermodel?

One Mean Shoulder

I've come to realize how difficult it is to upkeep a blog. Before I mustered up the energy and motivation to actually create my own blog, I'd always been quick to criticize other bloggers for their lack of diligence and consistency in providing me with the much anticipated, entertaining read that is their daily blog post (not really). I mean, if you're gonna make a blog then why not keep posting new thoughts? But thus is life, and who the fuck really has the time or the egocentricity to constantly think about themselves and their lives (ok maybe a lot of people already do that) but to write about it and announce it to the whole blog world on a daily basis IS asking a bit much of our already overworked selves. Well, excepting those super blogging queens and kings like Susie Bubble and the Sartorialist who seem to center their lives around creating new fodder for their addicting blogs, by hour, on the hour. And since the outburst of fairly new, community websites such as chictopia.com, we fashion bloggers have become privvy to neglect upkeeping our actual blogs and simply opted for the lazy route. I mean, why do all the work when someone's already done it for you? Might as well just fill in the blanks. So, guilty as charged, I have created yet another name and password for myself on yet another cyber portal deemed to be the "fashion destination for the people". How democratic. No, but really I do love it. Like, just last week I posted an outfit I put together from the various goodies procured off of my latest trip to Haight and Ashbury. (Which by the W, was a HAVEN of vintage goodies and funky doodles. Like... the hipster's ultimate wetdream) Anyway, I finally found the boyfriend blazer I had been searching for for the longest time. Its not perfect, but for 6 bucks at goodwill, Im willing to overlook the football player shoulderpads and the stink of old age that wafts from it everytime I move it around. But since the strong shoulder seems to have been somehow revitalized for AW 09(ala Balmain in above picture), I can pass those off as sartorially intentional on my part. And the smell was thankfully, fixed with a few smart spritzes of Ja Dore.

Muddy Monday Morning

Off to a rough start this morning as I woke up about twelve minutes before class started. I hate when that happens, especially on a Monday cuz then it messes up the rest of your day and then the rest of your week. Not to mention you have no time to actually put any thought into your outfit or makeup or hair. As a result I am a hot mess in every sense of the word today. My hair is flimsy and flopping in all directions, the dark bags under my eyes is horribly sans concealer, and my outfit is absolute shit thrown together. UUUGGGHHH! Of course the rain definitely puts the cherry on the icing. (Or is it frosting on the cake?) As I was stomping off in puddles through Sather Lane to class, I passed by the GBC and had an amusingly brilliant moment: The GBC should have an emergency make up pit stop. I could picture the advertisement in the daily cal: "Late for class, again? No time to put on your face this morning? Stop by the GBC today for your quick fix makeover. We'll redeem your shitty morning and get that smile back on your face.Have a beautiful day!" Nice. I would drop by every other morning. Theyd have great business on rainy days.

I've put up a new background on my computer because I have become absolutely smitten by Stella McCartney's nude tones, boyfriend jackets, and jumpsuits. No matter how many times I look at the Runway pictures from Sp 09, I always melt at the delicate sophistication of all of it. Next on my must-have-or-will-die list: Boyfriend jacket.